Relationships Make Me Fat

At the end of every relationship I have ever been in, I have been 25 to 30 pounds heavier than when I began.  Then it ends and I lose the weight.  When I am alone I go to the gym, hike mountains, eat less.  When I am with a woman I overeat, sit and lay down.  

This is the way I was when I was a child.  In that cocoon of my family, depressed and lethargic; the whole lot of us; time filled with Nutter Butter cookies, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and overboiled, tasteless frozen broccoli.  My template for relationship is warped, it is me trapped and bloated from death.

So here I am again, 30 pounds heavier than I was six moths ago.  She returned, surprising me completely.  This beautiful woman who loves me as I am.  She returned and I began packing on the pounds, falling into the barbed wire fence of my childhood.  It feels like the wire is tied tightly to my body and the harder I try to get out, the tighter it gets.

So, the answer is to relax and open to what is here, this love, this love of her and my life and my family and my friends.  To let go so completely that the barbed wire just falls off, that, of course is the answer.

So today I breathe and relax into this new way of being.

I invite you to do the same.