I did it. Yesterday, I didn't go back for seconds. I didn't buy the monster cookie with a cafe mocha. I ate two little cookies before bed instead of the package of 6.
And where did it leave me?
I began to grieve.
I told the whole story last night to a bunch of my men friends. The three long months, my Mom's car accident, the cancer, the operations, the hospital, the rehab, the time spent with her, the hope, my Dad by her bedside, the nurses who treated her well, the nurses who didn't seem to care, Christine making the life-affirming collage, all the cards and flowers and teddy bears, my mom beginning to accept my step-mom, my mom telling us her dreams, the card I gave her which said "I Love You, that's all you need to know", and my Aunt. My Aunt, who came to be with us, who brought us out to dinner, who stayed with my Mom the last four days of her life even when I got sick, who was with her when she took her last breath and called me to come in the middle of the night.
All this came out and the tears started to come too. The men who were with me were totally there for me. They are a group of men who love me. Sometimes letting in the love is the hardest part. My Mom knew that well.
I didn't stuff my emotions with food yesterday and I feel a little more alive today.
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Bill, I'm so glad you were able to tell the whole story and feel loved and supported. You are SO loved by many people. Keep it coming.
ReplyDeleteLove Christine
Great to hear that you 'emotionally popped open' in such a supportive environment and food-free zone.
ReplyDeleteYou truely walked a long path the last months, but you walked it together with the most important people around you, which makes a difference.
And yes, you are loved, even by 'aliens'
(that's what they call green card holders :)
doris
Bill, you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I've known. Glad to be a part of the group that reminds you of that. bzander
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