Two of Me

There are two of me.  I have always known they are there, but I really discovered them this week.
Monday-Get up early with Christine.  Join the gym.  Workout.  Full of energy all day.  Energy like I haven't felt in years.
Tuesday-Go to the gym.  Eat well. Full of Energy.  Nearing the end of the day.  Looking for something to numb me out.
Wednesday-Get up at 5 a.m.  Get ready for workshop.  Tired, cranky.  Eat poorly, no exercise.  Feel like crap all day.  Do two workshops.  Go out to late dinner.  Stuffed lobster, beer, tequila, lot's of butter and sour cream.  Did I mention feeling like crap.
Thursday-wake up groggy, tired, down.  Use the gym in the hotel I am staying at.  Start to feel clearer.

Two of me-
Energetic, clear, organized, letting go, moving

Tired, overeating, lethargic, depressed

I seem to be able to do the energetic me for about two days until something calls me to the other side.
I can do the tired me for years.

I asked for clarity and there it is.

Jabba the Hut gets off the couch

Sometimes I feel like the old me, sometimes I feel like me plus an extra 50 pounds.  This morning at the gym I was on the eliptical machine.  My knee hurt, my hip hurt.
I hope I don't see anyone I know in the locker room as my bloated body walks naked to the shower and while I shower behind the loincloth of a shower curtain.  So good to move.  Yesterday, I had more energy than I can remember having in at least a year.  My mind is clearer when I move, it feels like years of lethargy have clogged my thoughts.  Keep coming clarity.  Wash me in the skin of a new day.

Oh, for the love of God!

Ok, I completely fell off the bowling ball bandwagon.  It is always something, but the biggest thing was that it was difficult to follow the eating plan I was on because I was not eating enough.  I lost a lot of weight the first two weeks and then it started going back on.  Then I became obsessed with the scale and it all went downhill from there.  I am returning to the thing that has seemed to work the best in the past.... Exercise.  Christine and I joined the gym this morning.  It felt great to be there again.  I think the thing that worries me is starting and then stopping again.  I would like to go every day that is reasonable Monday through Friday.  Especially, since I have decided to not do more workshops for the next year it should be much easier to go.  It is just discipline, enjoyment, and commitment.  I need to have fun, I need to go when I don't want to and I need to commit to this course.  How about just commit for the next week?  I commit to go to the gym today (easy, already went), tomorrow, and Friday.  Wednesday and Thursday I have workhsops (early) and may not be able to go, but I will try.  Only one month of workshops left and then I will only be consulting 25 hours a week, writing and working on my video projects!  Let's go exploring.